Here’s a story that reminds me that simple encouragement can have a more dramatic effect on performance than criticism.

Decades ago there was a group of brilliant young men at the University of Wisconsin who had amazing literary talent. They were would-be poets, novelists, and essayists. These promising young men met regularly to read and critique each other’s work.

The men were merciless with one another. They dissected the minutest literary expression. They were heartless, tough, and mean in their criticism. Members of this exclusive club called themselves the “Stranglers.”

Not to be outdone, the women of literary talent at the university started a club of their own. They called themselves the “Wranglers.” They, too, read their works to one another. But the criticism was softer, more positive and encouraging. Sometimes, there was almost no criticism at all. Every effort, even the feeblest, was encouraged.

Twenty years later an alumnus of the university was doing an exhaustive study of his classmates’ careers. He noticed a vast difference in the literary accomplishments of the Stranglers as opposed to the Wranglers. Of all the bright young men in the Stranglers, not one had made a significant literary contribution of any kind. From the Wranglers had come six or more successful writers, including Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings, author of The Yearling.

Talent between the two? Probably the same. But the Stranglers strangled each other, while the Wranglers highlighted the best, not the worst. The message we can take from this is that next time you’re tempted to “improve” someone’s performance with criticism, perhaps simply offer a few encouraging words instead.

Sincerely,

Matt Haviland Your Real Estate Consultant For Life

P.S. I need to take this message to heart when giving myself feedback, too! Let me know what you think.

If you’re like me, you search hard for holiday gifts that have special meaning for your loved
ones. Fortunately, this year I came across an inspiring story that has sparked new ideas in a
whole new direction. Maybe it will do the same for you. Here’s the story:

It’s just a white envelope stuck in the branches of our Christmas tree. No name, no tag. A similar
envelope has peeked through the branches of our tree for the past 10 years. It all began
because my husband Mike hated Christmas—the frantic running at the last minute to get a tie
for Uncle Harry—the gifts given because you couldn’t think of anything else.

Merry Christmas From The Haviland Group

Knowing Mike felt this way, one year I decided to bypass the usual swag and look for something
special. I finally found inspiration through our son, Kevin. Shortly before Christmas, Kevin’s
team was in a wrestling match against an inner-city team. The inner-city youngsters attended in
uniforms so ragged that shoestrings seemed to be the only thing holding them together. They
were a sharp contrast to our Eastside boys in their spiffy uniforms. The other team didn’t even
have proper headgear.

Kevin’s team beat them. Mike shook his head sadly, “I wish just one of them had won a round,”
he said. “They have potential, but losing could take the heart right out of them.”
Mike loved kids, and he knew them, having coached little league football and baseball. That’s
when the idea for his gift came to me. That afternoon, I went to a local sporting goods store and
bought an assortment of wrestling headgear and shoes and sent them anonymously to the
inner-city team. On Christmas Eve, I placed the first envelope on the tree, the note inside telling
Mike what I had done and that this was his gift from me. His smile was brighter than the
Christmas tree that year and in all the succeeding years as I found new ways to help other
youngsters on behalf of Mike.

The envelope became the highlight of our Christmas. It was always the last thing opened on
Christmas morning and our children, ignoring their new toys for a time, would stand with wideeyed
anticipation as their dad lifted the envelope from the tree to reveal its contents.

Sincerely,
Matt Haviland
Your Real Estate Consultant For Life
P.S. If you know anyone starting a new job, business, or perhaps going off to college, please
pass this letter along to them. Maybe it will make a difference! Let me know what you think by contacting me here or call me at 609-338-3773

P.P.S.  To download or view my December Newsletter click here:  Dec 2015 Newsletter – Matt